I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
