put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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