Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
