I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
