what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
