Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
