Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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