I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
