I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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