i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Randomize
