girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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