Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
