just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
