and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
