I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
