Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
