I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
