my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
