God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
