She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
