All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
