I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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