he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
