I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
time to smoke my breakfast
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Randomize
