I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
