Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
