i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
