I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
