Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
