I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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