Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
