No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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