I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
