so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
