The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Porn is love you can see.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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