Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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