why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
When are your genitals available?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
