im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
