fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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