saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
