my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
