One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
