There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
