my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
