My friends, they love my intelligence
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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