So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
