You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
