literally had 100 drinks last night.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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