also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
