repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
