shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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