So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
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