my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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