Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
