My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
