True but thats because hes a fetus.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
