If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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